


Set On Fire My Bones

by onlyhuman



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (or a hint of it at least), BUN KINK, D/s undertones, Emotional Conflict, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, and it's not cheating because they aren't together in the first place, only hinted at briefly to explore later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 06:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhuman/pseuds/onlyhuman
Summary: When the door opens and James’ mussed up hair comes into view, the last bit of resolve Sirius had left in him goes out the window. He stalks off the bed, the snow in his boots long melted and drowning his socks uncomfortably, but he doesn’t even notice, not when he can see the hickey that Lily left under James’ jaw, clear as day even in the poor lighting of the dormitory.Something inside of him breaks, and on impulse, Sirius surges forward, slamming James against the wall with a force he didn’t know he possessed.In which Sirius catches Lily and James in the act. He doesn't take it well, to say the least.





	Set On Fire My Bones

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, baby! Happy second day of Christmas. And of course, the first thing that I post on AO3 since 2016, is a short fic for a pairing that no one but me and Pauline really cares about. Who is surprised? Not me.
> 
> Fair warning for Sirius being a bit of an idiot and drawing conclusions too hastily, James acting without thinking and Remus being the only voice of reason. Also, heads up for the appearance of a certain kink concerning buns that just had to make it in there, or I wouldn't be me. 
> 
> Thanks a billion to [Kara](http://archiveofourown.org/users/karamelised) for the quick beta and Pauline for always giving me twenty thousand new headcanons to think of when it comes to these two (including the song this title is from). I love you both.

Sirius doesn’t know who made the first move.  
  
What he does know is that it feels like his heart just got torn up into pieces and stomped upon as it got discarded, and he knows he’s got no right to feel like this, because none of this has got anything to do with him. He ought to be happy for his best friend, really. And he is. Or he should be.  
  
Except that having to see James kissing Lily goddamn Evans in a bloody carriage as the snow falls down around them is something Sirius never wanted to happen to him, no matter how hard he tries to pretend otherwise.  
  
He doesn’t know how long he stands there, frozen in his spot against the tree as their kisses grow more heated and his hands grow colder, but he snaps out of his bitter reverie when he sees Lily start to tangle a hand in James’ hair, pulling him closer until they’re pressed chest to chest.  
  
“Bloody buggering fuck,” Sirius curses, too loudly perhaps, and of course the sky starts pouring down heavier right as he makes his way back to the castle, the snow leaking into his leather boots that needed replacing a long time ago as it was. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.  
  
He stomps back up to the Gryffindor tower, snarls, “Fac ut vivas” at the Fat Lady with such force that he knows he’ll pay for it next time, and flops down on his bed, shoes and all. He stares at the ceiling, willing his eyes to just stop burning already, for this to stop hurting when it absolutely should not feel like his entire life just ended. Still, there’s an anger in his chest, burning fiercer than his sadness burrows for now, and he clings to it, grasping to a feeling he knows how to handle, a feeling he has been harbouring inside him for so many years now that it’s much too easy to access and harness.  
  
Remus looks up from his book, and Sirius knows one glance should usually be enough for him to figure it all out. He can’t have that. He can’t even admit to himself why he’s so up in arms over this, has been pushing it away for much longer than is healthy, and he’s not about to start breaking that habit now.  
  
“Shut up,” he hisses, harsher than he intends to be, when Remus opens his mouth. “I mean it, Remus, not a word or you’ll have to count on James and Evans alone next cycle.”

If his voice breaks on ‘Evans’, no one needs to know.  
  
“What does Lily have to do with any of this?” Remus frowns, and is this why Sirius wasn’t sorted into Slytherin after all? Do his threats just not scare anyone anymore?  
  
“Not a word,” Sirius repeats, eyes trained back at the ceiling. His hands are rolled into fists at his sides, and he can practically feel his own anger radiate off of him in waves, suffocating everyone in the room, including himself.  
  
It’s quiet for a moment as Sirius tries to take a few deep, shuddering breaths. They just make it worse, the oxygen feeling like poison in his veins. His brain keeps supplying him with a flash of red against skin he knows all too well, movements he’s seen in his dreams played out in front of him but, this time, without his participation. He scrunches his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from coming.  
  
“Merlin,” Remus mutters. Sirius can hear him shuffle around on the bed, as if he’s gathering his belongings, and keeps his eyes firmly shut until he hears footsteps move to the doorway.  
  
“I don't know what he did,” Remus starts just when it’s been silent long enough that Sirius thinks he might be safe, “but sort it out fast, mate. This isn’t normal.”

“Fuck normal,” Sirius bites back, and with a wave of his wand his pillow hits Remus right in the face. “See, I'm fine. Now piss off and let me sleep.”

“Angrily wank, more like,” Remus mumbles under his breath before he disappears downstairs to the common room, and it’s a true testament to Sirius’ patience that he doesn’t hex him right there and then.  
  
Remus can choke, though. Sirius isn’t going to wank at all, although the angry part wasn’t exactly wrong. He wishes he could, wishes that he was capable of just jerking one out until the pent up energy thrumming under his skin could find a way out, but there’s no way anything he can picture would get him hot enough to do anything. Not when all his mind supplies him with is Lily, squished against James’ body as she kisses him with a need that Sirius can feel vibrating in his own chest every single day he spends with his best friend from the moment he wakes until he closes his eyes.

It’s their first kiss, as far as he knows, and the burn of it all surprises him.

He hasn’t even told any of the lads that he’s gay yet, in fear of what that would change. He’s not even sure if that’s what he is, anyway, but there’s no question that he’s bent and interested in cock. The fact that he’s been trying to fight against the burning knowledge that it’s _James_ ’ cock he wants most of all, just makes everything infinitely worse.  
  
The clock keeps ticking and he doesn’t sleep, either. All Sirius does is stare at the ceiling, huffing and groaning as he twists and turns and thinks about what kissing James would be like, if he could’ve known what it might feel like if only he’d just stopped lying to himself a bit sooner than this. If only he’d been honest with James about what he might want, maybe all this poison in his system could’ve been avoided.  
  
When the door opens and James’ mussed up hair comes into view, the last bit of resolve Sirius had left in him goes out the window. He stalks off the bed, the snow in his boots long melted and drowning his socks uncomfortably, but he doesn’t even notice, not when he can see the hickey that Lily left under James’ jaw, clear as day even in the poor lighting of the dormitory.  
  
Something inside of him breaks, and on impulse, Sirius surges forward, slamming James against the wall with a force he didn’t know he possessed.  
  
“What the fuck?” James snaps, but Sirius notices idly that he doesn’t fight back, doesn’t even try to untangle himself from Sirius’ grip when he knows from firsthand experience that James can put up a fight like the best of them. A thrill of excitement ripples through him, the temptation of testing exactly how far he can push James aching at his fingertips.  
  
“Was it good for you?” Sirius hisses, eyes trained on the hickey that he’s sure was only left there to personally taunt him. “To have her tits pressed against you as she left a mark on you, as if you’re hers to keep?” As if you’re anyone’s but mine, Sirius doesn’t say.  
  
James stares at him, wide-eyed like the doe he secretly is.  
  
“What in Merlin’s name are you on about, Padfoot?” and _god,_ his obliviousness is even more aggravating than the kiss had been, and suddenly Sirius has had it, his free hand curling harshly around James’ arm.  
  
He doesn’t answer, pressing James against the wall with more force than earlier, and surges forward, smashing his lips against James’ in one swift motion. He half expects James to push him off, waits to get yelled at, but in a complete unexpected turn of events, James melts against him, his hands moving down to Sirius’ hips to pull him closer and he goes, of course he goes, willingly and pliantly as his lips move against a mouth that feels like it was made to kiss him.    
  
James’ mouth opens against his and Sirius kisses him deeper, owning him in the way he’s wanted to for years and guiltily dreamt about in his darkest moments. They kiss like it’s the last day on earth, like there's nothing they’d rather be doing, and for Sirius that rings true, the anger gone from his insides now that he’s getting what he wants.  
  
It doesn’t register what he’s doing until he realises that there’s a scent lingering around them that is very distinctly not James, and the image of fiery red hair forces itself behind his eyelids, and suddenly it’s like he can taste her on his tongue and there’s green behind his eyes, a flash of jealousy he can’t push down even if he wanted to. His anger rises back up, though more focused this time, and the difference is that he knows how to channel it. He wrestles a leg between James’ thighs, pushing closer as he licks into his mouth, sucking on James’ tongue until there’s no trace left of her and all he can taste is something undeniably right.  
  
He pulls back, afraid to see what he will find, and James is staring at him with wide blown eyes, taking in the wreck that Sirius undoubtedly looks like. Sirius lets him, and though he’s panting and feels spread wide open for everyone to see, he refuses to break their gaze.  
  
“Circe,” James breathes out, voice coming out shaky, “If I'd known you could do _that_ …”

“Then you wouldn’t have let her neck you?” Sirius offers darkly. He doesn’t wait for an answer, leans back in instead. His hair falls into his eyes as he mouths down James’ jawline, a jawline he’s spent more minutes staring at than is probably healthy, and closes his mouth around the bruise that was already there, sinking his teeth into the already bruised skin as he grinds forward.  
  
James honest to god moans, and isn’t _that_ interesting? Sirius files it away for later, if a later ever happens at all, that is, and lavishes his tongue over the bruise. His jeans are starting to feel uncomfortably tight, though his anger hasn’t faded yet, and maybe Remus had a point about angrily wanking - he’s just not going to do it to himself.  
  
“Fuck, why are these still on?” he groans as he tugs at James’ fly. Which was a huge mistake, because now he can feel how James is hard beneath his hand, tenting up his jeans. It’s the first cock he’s ever touched that isn’t his own. All of it is too much in the best way, overwhelming to say the least, and Sirius’ brain short circuits. He can’t think anymore, can’t look past James, pliant and willing under his grip, firmly placed against the wall with a look about him that Sirius can’t ignore, and _fuck,_ James is hard for _him, for Sirius..._

Suddenly, the fight leaves him and he doesn’t want to be in charge anymore, the reality of the situation catching up with him until he feels unsettled. Of course James can tell the shift in the air before Sirius has processed what he wants, and as he blinks, he’s being manhandled until he’s the one with his back against the wall.

The whole thing is much hotter than he wants to admit.

“Okay?” James whispers into his neck, hands still pressing into Sirius’ hips, and Sirius nods, throwing his head back against the wall. James’ hands travel down to his zipper, pulling it down as he kisses him. This time, James throws his whole body into the kiss, hand pressing against Sirius’ crotch as he bites down on his bottom lip, and Sirius keens, everything bordering on too much, too fast. James’ hands leave his trousers, and he throws his body into it instead, grinding his clothed erection against Sirius’ until they’re both a shuddering mess. He feels James’ free hand travel up to his buttons, undoing them swiftly until he feels like a trashy pirate on display. James’ fingers against his cold skin feel like magic, and Sirius doesn’t know whether he’s shivering because he’s cold or because it’s _James_ who’s undressing him in the best of ways. He’s suddenly very aware of the fact that his jeans have pooled around his ankles and his shirt is wide open, while James is still fully dressed, and that just will not stand.

“Want to see you,” Sirius murmurs, sliding his hands under James’ leather jacket, which he distinctly notices is his _own_ that he barely ever wears anymore. The reminder hits him that James has been kissed by Lily in that very same jacket and Sirius wants it off immediately, so he does so, sliding it off James’ shoulders and throwing it onto the floor without another look at it. He does the same to his t-shirt, and suddenly he’s got an armful of half naked James Potter. He stills, eyes raking down his golden skin, dark nipples standing out against Sirius’ own pale hands sprawled across James’ chest. His cock is so achingly hard that he feels like he’s going to explode, and Sirius takes a deep, rattling breath, trying to ground himself and letting himself enjoy this now that he gets to have it.

“Sirius,” James murmurs, far too intimate for the moment they’re having, and he kisses him again, though this time there’s nothing rough about it. There’s a gentleness hiding beneath the surface and in a strange way, Sirius feels like he’s being taken care of, like all the anger is being made up for now in a way he didn’t know he needed before. He’s not sure he can live without it now that he knows what it’s like, and the thought takes his breath away.

It’s as if James knows - before Sirius can lose himself in that train of thought, James pulls both their pants down and takes their cocks in his hand, enclosing them both with fingers that feel too rough, too cold against the hot fire that burns in Sirius’ chest. It should be rough because neither of them have thought of lube, and it is, but it’s as gentle as the kiss had been.

As much as that does Sirius’ head in, it’s not what he wants, though the thought of James taking care of him unlocks something in him that he wasn’t sure was there. A flurry of emotions travel through him, rising up his throat like bile, and he can’t let it show, can’t let James see exactly how weak he is for him when he’s not sure he’ll ever get a chance like this again, not with what he’s just seen earlier. James’ forehead falls down to Sirius’ shoulder, his glasses skewed on his face, squished between them. The frame digs into Sirius’ collarbone, and he finds that he likes the sting of it, likes how it distracts him from the feelings swirling inside of him that are becoming much too dangerous, much too fast.

“Move along now,” he bites out, scrunching his eyes shut against the soft sensation of James’ fingers travelling across his cockhead.

“What was that?” James’ voice sounds distracted next to his ear, and Sirius squeezes his arse, his _naked_ arse, _Merlin_ , pushing him flush against his body and trapping his hand between them.

“I’m not bloody well made of porcelain, am I,” Sirius snaps, thrusting forward into James’ grip to illustrate his point. His hold on James’ arse tightens, squeezing the flush skin between his fingers. He holds on where he can, wants to be taken apart by him as much as possible. “Or did you just forget I’m not some poor unsuspecting Hufflepuff?”

James’ face snaps up at that, his eyes drilling holes into Sirius’ own. Sirius can practically see the cogs turning in his brain, and he can pinpoint the exact moment that it clicks. James surges forward, kissing Sirius, roughly this time, the way Sirius had kissed him the second he’d walked into the dormitories. His tongue slips into Sirius’ mouth, forcefully and hard, and his hand moves from the tip of Sirius’ cock to his balls, gripping him tightly. The spike of it makes Sirius jolt, wondering where he learned that, if Lily plays with him like that or if it’s something James discovered himself.

“Trust me,” James pants as he grinds forward, trusting into Sirius’ cock, “I don’t think you’re a Hufflepuff, _ah -_ whatsoever.”

“ _Fuck,”_ Sirius groans as James’ pace quickens. James murmurs something under his breath, waving his free hand around, and suddenly the slide between them isn’t rough at all anymore, the slick between them making the glide much easier and Sirius can’t _do_ this.

His knees buckle beneath him and he just wants to ban Lily from his mind, just wants to believe, even if it’s just for now, that James is _his,_ that he knows him better than anyone else on this entire planet and he gets to have him in the way he’s dreamed about since he knew what sex was. James’ muscles shift beneath Sirius’ grip on his arse, drilling into him harder, rougher, until all thoughts leave Sirius’ head apart from the burning need to let him come, to let the world end behind them right now.

“Harder, James, come _on,” make me forget,_ he doesn’t add. He can hear James huff, and then the rutting against him, into the wall, is relentless, a pace that he doesn’t know how to keep up with. He wriggles, moving against James’ cock, feeling how his tip catches against Sirius’ own, precome already dripping between the both of them.

“James,” he whines, opening his eyes and finally allowing himself to watch exactly how bloody attractive his best friend looks when he’s chasing his orgasm. James’ hair is an unruly mess, matted down slightly by the exertion, eyebrows pinching together as he’s bringing Sirius closer to the edge.

Fuck. _Fuck._ Sirius draws in a breath, inching his hands closer to James’ crack, trailing his fingers across it.

When he rubs his finger against James’ hole, the reaction is immediate.

James’ whole body stills, apart from his cock twitching between them, and he comes with a shout. It’s the hottest thing Sirius has seen in his entire life. His cock is harder between them than it has ever been, and he feels like he’s going to die if he doesn’t get to come soon, if he doesn’t get to come because of James.

Of course, James is not a Gryffindor for nothing, after all, throwing himself headfirst into something and doing it _right._

“Stay. Still,” James groans, releasing his grip on Sirius’ hips and grabbing his hands instead. He removes Sirius’ hands from his arse - good thing, since Sirius had been starting to feel awkward now that the goal had been achieved.  James moves Sirius’ wrists above his head, crossing them against the wall and holding him still. His hips move in their own tandem against Sirius’ cock, though he must feel spent and tired, and the whole fact that he’s _using_ Sirius to get off while he’s helpless to stop it… It’s too much, and it’s what does him in, the idea that he couldn’t even move away from this if he wanted to without breaking something between them.

He is James’, and in that moment, James is his.

Sirius’ balls draw up and he spurts between them, his whole body relaxing into James and leaving him helpless. His cock keeps leaking, his hands shaking above his head, but he doesn’t move, allows James to kiss him, bite his lips, fuck into his mouth as if he’s trying to show what he’d do if he’d got to fuck Sirius for real. He shudders against James’ neck, can’t help himself from lazily mouthing across his skin as he is _still_ coming, Merlin, how much does he have left in him?

They take a few moments to breathe, and Sirius feels split wide open, exposed in a way he’s not sure he likes. With a quick wave of James’ hand and a murmured ‘Scourgify’ they’re both relatively clean again. Normally the ease with which he does it would piss Sirius off, since he himself still hasn’t quite mastered basic wandless magic, but at this moment, it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. He wonders what else James can do, if he’s got more wandless tricks up his sleeve in the bedroom.

He wonders if he will ever get to experience it.

James drags them both to bed, naked as the day they were born - when Sirius’ boots had come undone, he doesn’t know, but he does know that his feet are bare. They lie down, next to each other but not entangled whatsoever. Though he’s overwhelmed and tired and wishes he could sleep, Sirius’ brain runs at top speed until he’s almost as tense as he’d been before James had entered the room at all.

The snow is still falling outside the Gryffindor tower. Sirius can see it much too vividly, can see the way Lily had kissed him, much too happily and enthusiastically, and the need to push James, to hurt him beyond repair, is suddenly back.

“Spit it out, Padfoot, I can hear you think from here,” James sighs eventually, turning onto his side. His cock dangles between his legs, and Sirius doesn’t let himself look, stays lying on his back while staring at the drapes around his bed.

“What was this?” he snaps, glaring at the rope around the drapes with such force that he wouldn’t be surprised if it caught fire. “A goodbye fuck to your bachelor status before your relationship with Lily really set off?”

“What? Lily and I are not together,” James says, and the look on his face is nothing short of flabbergasted. Oh, to hell with it, Sirius thinks. In for a Sickle, in for a Galleon, innit?

“Yes, and I kiss all my friends after a romantic trip to Hogsmeade,” he rolls his eyes, and suddenly he feels too naked, doesn’t like how on display he is, how he can still feel the ghost of James’ touch trace across his skin.

“That was a failed experiment, ” James sits up, frowning so hard that Sirius idly wonders if the wrinkles will stay engraved in his forehead. “What are you talking about?”

“And I reckon this was just a fun experiment for you too? Two for the price of one, innit?” Sirius barks, and he means for it to sound biting, but it comes out small, making him look like a petulant child instead.

The change in tone lights up James’ face, and a smirk curls around his lips, a promise of _something_ gleaming happily behind his eyes.

“Hang on,” he starts, lifting an eyebrow as he moves closer to Sirius on the bed, “Am I getting this right? Do you really want this?”

“I don’t know. Do you?” His eyes still won’t meet James’, though he’s staring at the golden toned hand that is curling around Sirius’ hip, leaving him goosebumps all over his body. James evidently notices, trailing his finger all across his ribs, making Sirius’ cock twitch again in faint interest.

“Really, Sirius. All you had to do was _ask.”_

The smirk on James’ face could split his face in two, and Sirius feels a flicker of hope rise in his chest. He’s too tired and spent to push it down anymore, lets it grow into something bigger until it feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest. James leans in, but Sirius puts a hand on his shoulder, effectively pausing his movements. He might not be able to stop his emotions from getting the best of him, but he sure as bloody hell can stop James from hurting him again. Not in the way he aches for, at least.

“So no Lily?” he asks with a tremor in his voice, despising himself for it immediately. The smirk on James’ face softens into a look of understanding, and he shifts slightly, moving around until his hand is deeply seated in Sirius’ hair.

“No Lily,” he agrees easily, hazel eyes much too earnest for Sirius to fight against. His fingers scratch against Sirius’ scalp, tying his hair together and letting it fall again. Sirius’ eyes close on their own accord, weak against the sensation of something he never knew he wanted.

“An experiment doomed to fail, then,” Sirius grins weakly, and James nods. The lack of answer isn’t enough for them to fix it all, but it’s enough for _now -_ he  knows they have to talk about this, have to discuss what that obsession with Lily was about for all this time when he could be having Sirius all along, but he’s too spent to think about it now, just wants to feel James in his arms and know that it’s not the last time he’ll get to have this.

“Your hair’s so long,” James frowns, retreating his fingers. Sirius misses the touch immediately, watching as James looks around, as if he’s searching for his wand.

“Says you,” Sirius objects haughtily, “and I won’t cut it.” Not when it feels this bloody fantastic to have James carding through his hair, knowing that he can pull and make it ache in the best way if he’d only think to do it. If only Sirius pushed him hard enough, he knows he would.

All the possibilities of what they could do in bed, and how Sirius could make it happen, are flying through his mind now that he knows he can allow himself to have this. Now that he knows he won’t break his own heart in the process, it suddenly feels like the world is all his - _theirs_ \- to take.

“No need to cut it,” James smirks. He waves his hand, mutters “ _Crinus Muto_ ”, and Sirius can feel an invisible grip on his scalp, tightening his hair together and bundling it on top. “There, much better.”

Sirius’ hand flies up to the bun in his hair, trailing his fingers over it hesitantly.

“What, do you have a bun kink I didn’t know about?”

“Much easier if you were to blow me, don’t you think?” James says, looking immensely satisfied with himself and his choices in life. Sirius can’t say he disagrees.

Then, James is straddling his hips, kissing him deeply until he’s stolen Sirius’ own breath from his lungs. Behind them, a door opens, but Sirius pays it no mind, too engrossed in what this means, in what he gets to have, again and again and again. He lifts himself up on his elbows, meeting James halfway until he doesn’t know where he stops and James begins.

“Oh for fuck’s _sake,”_ Remus’ voice groans from the doorway. “When I said to sort it out I didn’t mean _this.”_

“You can stay to watch round two, if you want,” Sirius offers lazily against James’ lips, waving his hand around vaguely. James laughs loudly, the sound reverberating against Sirius’ chest.

 _“_ I hate you both so much,” Remus sighs in exasperation, but his eyes are twinkling. There’s a hint of relief hiding there, Sirius thinks, but he can’t examine it for too long, not when James is intent on molesting him in front of Remus’ poor, unsuspecting eyes. Though Remus does not seem at all deterred by their proximity, nor their nudity.

It’s a testament to how weirdly close they are, the three of them, but Sirius wouldn’t live without it even if he was forced to.

“I don’t care what you get up to, nor do I care to watch,” Remus starts, “But clean up in here before I come back. It reeks of sex, I don’t want to sleep in this stench.”

He turns around, leaving the dorm behind him and coating the room in darkness as he goes.

“Well,” Sirius snickers. “That’s poor Moony traumatised.”

“I reckon he’s not that surprised,” James mumbles, stealing another kiss from Sirius’ mouth, “I’d been talking his ear off about wanting to do that for ages.”

Well then.

They’ve got a _lot_ to talk about, Sirius thinks. But not tonight - he’s got plans that involve James’ dick in his mouth until he’s a blubbering mess above him.

Talking can come later.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me about how Remus deserves better or how you think I should go back to writing my home fandom on [Tumblr.](http://loveloveolivia.tumblr.com) Also a disclaimer: there's no cheating involved since Lily and James mutually agreed their kiss was a one-off. Just making that clear!


End file.
